


all you've lost

by erdreas_archive



Category: Dragon Quest Series, Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Act 3 spoilers, M/M, More tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 04:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erdreas_archive/pseuds/erdreas_archive
Summary: "When it is broken... when the memories are shattered... you will return to the past... and there you will stay..."It was that line that really got to Erik. He's been unsure about the idea of messing with time since it was first brought up (yes, he spent most of his life as a slave or on the streets, but he got his hands on a couple of fantasy novels throughout the years, and if there's one thing he's learned from them, it's that timeline fuckery is something you should not partake in), but now that he knows Eleven has to go alone and has no way of ever coming back, he's definitely not on board.(a series of mostly connected act 3 scenes from erik's point of view)





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (timeline 1 + small scene of 2) the luminary breaks the time sphere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys so i used to be paradxgms but i changed my username bc like...im posting a lot of dqxi stuff and it felt right. anyways enjoy!

_"When it is broken... when the memories are shattered... you will return to the past... and there you will stay..."_  
  
It was that line that really got to Erik. He's been unsure about the idea of messing with time since it was first brought up (yes, he spent most of his life as a slave or on the streets, but he got his hands on a couple of fantasy novels throughout the years, and if there's one thing he's learned from them, it's that timeline fuckery is something you should _not_ partake in), but now that he knows Eleven has to go alone and has no way of ever coming back, he's definitely not on board.  
  
He won't stop him, of course, when it comes down to it, but he won't comply happily.   
  
"You mean he'll have to live it all again?" he can't stop himself from asking, despite the fact that he knows full well what the answer is. "He can't come back here... to us?"  
  
The Timekeeper stares blankly, a ghost freakishly devoid of emotion. "To lose time is to lose much... this world... this reality... these will be lost to you... and that is not all..." It (he? she? they?) pauses. The outcome of the Sphere's shattering is impossible to foresee... you may be lost forever... trapped in a corner of time... a half-faded memory... "  
  
God, how can he let Eleven go through with this, knowing what might happen?  
  
Serena clearly shares his sentiment, as she gasps and exclaims, "that's awful!"  
  
The Timekeeper continues as if she's said nothing at all. "Your present... your companions... your life, even... all these may be lost to you... Knowing this, are you willing to risk all for the sake of your departed friend...?"  
  
_No,_ Erik wants to answer for him. But it's selfish. El just stares, expression so calm it'd be alarming on anyone but him.  
  
"Only you can decide... I will await you before the Sphere..."  
  
Eleven begins to take a step forward, and just like that, everyone moves in front of him. Erik doesn't even notice himself doing it, but he does, and everyone else follows. Or maybe he followed them. It's hard to tell.  
  
Eleven walks up to him, willing him to speak, but he just looks down at the floor, arms crossed. El moves away after a moment, going around to all the others to speak to them and assure them that he'll miss them and that this is a hard decision, but he's absolutely sure.  
  
Finally, he walks back over, placing a hand on Erik's arm this time, and speaks. "Listen. I know this can't be easy. It's practically an impossible decision to make, but I have to do it. For Veronica. For everyone who died, who lost everything they had." Of course he has to. He's the Luminary, the hero who never thinks of himself. He's got to save everyone he can. "I can't pretend to know exactly how you feel about me, but I've got a pretty good guess that it's the same way I feel about you. But you're stronger than just about anyone I've ever met. You'll be fine." He sounds so mature, so strong, so sure of himself. Is this really the same sixteen year old boy he met in the dungeon?  
  
If this was different, Eleven's careful mention of their feelings would've made his heart do a backflip. But it's not different. Erik barely even notices him mentioning that. He can't think about anything except for the fact that soon, Eleven's hand will let go of his arm, and then he'll crumble into nothing, because right now, that hand feels like his lifeline. "Okay, okay. I know, you've got to help everyone you can. But please, just take yourself into consideration here. The decision is yours. It's your life. Do what's best for you."  
  
The Luminary looks at him, shaking his head, smiling sadly. "It's not, though." And Erik knows exactly what he means. And he hates it. He hates that this poor kid was cursed with a life that can never be his own, when he deserves to have a perfect life, with excitement and happiness and  _freedom._  
  
"I just..." Erik sighs, knowing there's nothing more to say. "Okay. Good luck. I l-" he doesn't let himself finish the statement, shaking his head. "Yeah. Good luck. Save the world. Save everyone. We'll be rooting for you."  
  
He moves out of the way, and everyone else follows suit.   
  
"Do what you need to do," Jade says. "We won't stand in your way."  
  
Eleven nods, looking around at them all, his normally strong and calm expression all cracked, and takes the first step. Then the second, then the third, and all the way up to Time's Sphere. There's no going back now. This is really, actually going to happen.  
  
The Timekeeper explains the details of the process to Eleven, none of which Erik catches, because he's too caught up in his own thoughts. Finally, he says, "step forward, Luminary."  
  
Eleven starts to move forward. Erik glances around at everyone's faces, and for a reason he can't explain, yells, "wait!"  
  
Eleven turns back, a shocked look on his face.  
  
Hendrik speaks first, solemnly swearing his loyalty to the Luminary and promising he'll do the same once more when he meets Eleven again. Then Sylv rushes up next to him, patting his arm and scolding him for being so serious. He says a cheery goodbye that's just like him, twirling around.  
  
Jade tells Eleven she knows he'll do great, assuring him she has faith in him and that they'd all be there to help him in the past. She gestures to Rab, who comments on what a great young man he's become.   
  
Erik looks over to Serena, who's staring at the ground, seemingly unsure of herself. He shoves her forward, cocking his head in Eleven's direction with as much of a smile as he can muster. He's not sure he can find any words to say, but she needs her chance to say hers.  
  
"I... I suppose I began this journey with you feeling that I was simply doing my duty... but it became... so much more than that... I'll never forget the time we've spent together. So please..." she pauses, sniffling, "if you dont mind..." she finally looks up, tears streaming down her face, and smiles. "I hope you'll take me along with you all over again!"  
  
Eleven nods, smiling back at her. Then he turns to him, as if waiting for him to say something, but he still can't think of anything. Erik pulls a smile onto his face, the best he can do, and Eleven does the same. Erik can see tears in his eyes, something he's never seen before. He's probably tearing up too, honestly. He isn't sure.  
  
Eleven turns, walking up to the Sphere.  
  
"The time of departure is upon us..." the Timekeeper declares. "Luminary, take the Sword of Light in hand..."  
  
And then he does it. Eleven raises his sword and brings it crashing down, shattering both sphere and sword. A stunning light suddenly bursts out in every direction, making it hard to see.  
  
"Wait, laddie!" Rab calls, and tries to run forward, but falls. Erik can feel the look of anguish pass over his own face as El turns back for the final time.  
  
"This isn't goodbye!" Erik yells, hoping it's still audible. "Not by a long shot!" But it is. For him, anyways. It really, really is.  
  
Eleven starts to be pulled away. "See you on the other side!" Erik yells, a promise another him will be keeping without realizing. And then it's all over.

* * *

  
Erik follows Sylvando and the others into the cathedral, relieved to see Eleven standing in the center, having a conversation with Veronica. She seemed to be mildly unhappy, which was nothing new.  
  
"Oh hey, El. There you are. Where'd you go when you disappeared a minute ago?"  
  
Eleven turns to look at him, staring like he's the most shocking spectacle in the world. "Uh," is all he says, blinking a few times and shaking his head.  
  
"Uh, you okay there, Eleven?" No response, at least not immediately.  _What the hell is going on?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my first multichapter fic ever! pls comment kudos bookmark whatever if u liked. as a writer feedback is my main source of energy so
> 
> the phrase "timeline fuckery" was included because that was what i said at the beginning of act 3 and i. felt it was fitting. i considered making it the title actually
> 
> come follow me on tumblr !! im at erdreas there too


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (timeline 1) directly after leaving the tower, the crew return to arboria. as it turns out, several of them can't sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been an entire month im sorry!!! anyways here's some important info regarding the plot of this fic.
> 
> originally this was going to be something totally different, but here's what it is: a series of scenes from erik's point of view (both versions of him - sometimes one, sometimes the other) that take place throughout act 3. they'll be mostly linear and will follow a consistent storyline, but it's not exactly a typical story with chapters and such.

The journey back from the tower is dull, to say the least. Having decided to return to Arboria to regroup, the not-so merry band of no-longer adventurers make their way there in notably uncomfortable silence, save for the sound of footsteps and Erik kicking a pebble every so often.   
  
When finally they'd come to the town's entrance, Sylv was the first to stop and break the silence, moving to the front of the group and facing everyone like he had some important announcement. "Alright, darlings," he declared, "chins up, now! Eleven wouldn't want us being all mopey after he leaves. He'd want us to keep on being happy!"  
  
Serena stepped forward, nodding. "Sylvando is right. Veronica wouldn't want this either. We've got to be strong, for the both of them." Everyone seemed to agree, and they walked into town, heads a bit higher than before.  
  
Father Benedictus greeted them, showing them all to the inn. Everyone settled down fairly quickly, the sky falling dark in what felt like record time.  
  
Cliche, expected twist that it was, Erik couldn't sleep. Hours later, he decided to leave and get fresh air, despite knowing full well that really only helped in fiction.  
  
Turning around the side of the inn, however, he was shocked to see that he wasn't alone. Standing by the large tree and staring out at the blackness of the night ahead of her, Serena's hair seemed to glow with the light of the moon behind them.  
  
Erik walked up next to her, softly whispering, "hey," when he stopped.   
  
She turned quickly, one hand over her mouth. "Oh! Erik, it's you. You startled me. Can't sleep either?" she asked, a knowing look in her eyes.  
  
"Sorry. Yeah," he sighed. "It's a lot, isn't it?"  
  
"It is. I'm going to miss him."  
  
"Me too. And Veronica. I really thought we had a chance at bringing her back, before we went to the tower, but we just ended up losing him too."  
  
Serena nodded. "It's terrible. But in some other timeline, they're both alive, and so is everyone else who died when Yggdrasil fell, and that's got to be good, hasn't it?"  
  
"I guess," he agreed halfheartedly, turning to look up at the sky.  
  
"Believe me, I know how you feel. It's horrible, having someone you love more than just about anything disappear and knowing they're never going to come back. I think it might be the worst feeling in the world."  
  
Taken aback by her implications, Erik began, "it wasn't-" but when she raised her eyebrows, he conceded. "Yeah. The realization is worse than anything, I think. When it really hits you that they're never, ever coming back." The realization hasn't even hit him yet, not really.  
  
But it's true. When he watched Eleven turn away, it was for the last time. He'd never look into his eyes again, never hold his hand (in a friendly way, they always sort of pretended) again, never run a hand through his absurdly soft brown hair ( _friendly,_ which was complete bullshit) again. It was over. For real. The end of them, and Erik had just let him walk away. He'd forced himself not to confess, in the end, and God, did he regret it. Now, he almost wishes he'd just pulled the Luminary to him and kissed him, right then and there, in front of everyone, because now he's never going to have any idea how his lips might feel against his own. They'd never once really talked about how they felt, and now neither of the would ever really know. Fuck, he never should've let Eleven break the sphere.  
  
_"The decision is yours," Erik says, shaking his head. "It's your life. Do what's best for you." He knows it's not enough to convince the Luminary. In fact, it's not the right thing to say at all. It's completely the wrong thing to say to someone whose life has never been his own. Erik resents that fact with everything in him, of course. He resents himself a little, too, for falling for a hero. The cherry on top of his extra large sized self-hatred sundae, but that's a different matter entirely._  
  
_Eleven shakes his head. "It's not, though." But maybe it could be, if he really wanted it to. The tale of the Luminary should've come to a close by now, but it hasn't. He's saved the world from harm, the great evils are defeated, and still Eleven feels that burden on his shoulders. Not everyone can be saved. Not everyone_ should  _be saved. Can't you see that, El? That you need to worry about yourself for once in your life?_  
  
"I know that. But you do  _have a choice, El. You've kept the world safe from darkness, and isn't that what the Luminary was born to do?" He means to say more, but stops when he realizes he's said the wrong thing yet again._  
  
The Luminary smiles, too obviously out of something that didn't at all resemble happiness. "I failed, Erik. I didn't keep the world safe. That's why I have to do this. I have to try and fix what I've done."  
  
It wasn't your fault, El,  _Erik wants to say, but that would only make things worse. There's no convincing him otherwise. That which falls onto his shoulders is much greater than anything Erik's ever known, and he himself has suffered as much as the average man would in seven lifetimes. Unsure what to say now, Erik chooses to say nothing at all. Instead, he stares into Eleven's eyes. They blink back at him with such emotion, a very rare occurrence when it's Eleven. Affection and tenderness mingle with sorrow and resignation._  
  
Erik moves one hand behind the Luminary's head, places the other under his chin, and brings his face closer to his own. It's a bold move, but it's the last chance he'll ever get to do it.   
  
Their lips collide in a gentle kiss, passionate but far from intense. Eleven's hands find their way to Erik's hips, holding him as if one of them is going to fall. Erik has no idea which. Maybe both. It's over far too soon, and when it's over, it really is over.  
  
He couldn't get Eleven to put himself first, and he can't bring himself to try and force him to stay. He's leaving. Doing it differently didn't change a thing. He's leaving, he's gone, it's forever -  
  
"Erik!" Serena cried suddenly, and he snapped back to reality.   
  
Ah, yes. None of that was real.  
  
She looked concerned. "Are you alright? You just stopped responding, and now you're-" she cut off, gesturing to his face.   
  
He raised a hand to rub his cheek, feeling moisture on it. Was he really crying? Now, here, in front of Serena? He rubbed his eyes frantically, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I just-"  
  
"Stop that. You've no reason to apologize. I told you, I understand." She smiled sadly, her own eyes watering with tears threatening to spill over. "Look at the pair of us, huh?" she laughed softly. She was right, they were near pathetic now, but Erik was impossibly glad she was here. He'd always been fond of her, and after the fall of Yggdrasil, they'd grown closer than ever. Despite trying not to get too attached to anyone at any time, he really did love her. In a strictly platonic way, of course.  
  
He managed a laugh despite himself, the tears slowing and then stopping. "Yeah. Look at us."   
  
She moved closer, resting her head on his shoulder while they both stared out ahead of them. After a moment's pause, she spoke again. "It really does feel final. Not just Veronica and Eleven, but all of it. We're going to all go our separate ways soon, and it'll be over. I'm not sure I'm quite ready for the adventure to end just yet." He knew what she meant. The Luminary and the others had been his sense of purpose, and she probably felt similarly. It wasn't only that he wasn't ready to leave Eleven, he wasn't ready to leave any of it.  
  
"Me neither. I don't know what I'll do. It's not like I can go back to where I was before, not after everything. I guess I'll go home, and take Mia on that adventure of our own, like I promised her."  
  
"And I'll help out here. Promise you'll bring her to visit," she requested, voice quiet.  
  
"Of course. We'll visit all the time. Thank you, Serena," he added as an afterthought, because this night would've been a lot more hellish without her.  
  
"Thank you, too. For everything."   
  
For a while, they stood like that, leaning against each other while the moon shone down on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all for reading and being patient! feedback is super super appreciated. im erdreas on tumblr as well, come say hi!


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